When I was 5....

I can remember when I was 5 years old. We lived on side of my grandmother and she would keep us when my parents were not home. Little did she know that she had a child molester for a son. My uncle would take me to his room and espose himself to me as well as use his fingers to touch my private parts. To most adults, this is know as "fingering a female."

I had no idea at the time what was going on, but I knew he wasn't supposed to be doing it because he told me I could not tell my parents. I hated to go over to my grandmother's house because I knew he would always be there. I can remember one time I saw him call my cousin into his room (she was younger than I). I rushed into the room and told her that our grandmother was calling her so that she would not have to experience what I was going through.

At the time I had noone to talk to about this. My father was a beating on my mother so I could not say anything to her because she would tell him and this was his younger brother who was doing this. Instead, I decided to keep it all inside and because of this I became a different person.

I became someone who was very protective of the people I loved, but did not care as much for myself. I would rather suffer than see my friends and family member who cared for me suffer. This is something that is still a part of me, but I had to learn to care for myself too.

It took me years to be able to confront my uncle, but the important thing is that "I DID!"

I am telling you this memory because I know there is someone else who have gone through this and felt or still feel that there was or is no hope, no way out, no way to put it behind you. Again, "I DID!"

I spent most of my childhood in fear and now that I am an adult, I REFUSE TO LET THIS MEMORY BE ALL THAT I AM.

I found out through this experience and others that I will share with you that I am worth more, need more, and deserve more that the mud on someone's shoe. I am what God says I am. I am FREE!